Finding Joy In Tears

I've seen a few people who are having a rough time lately. Some have lost babies and others are having trouble with fertility. Most of them have one thing in common. They don't want to be around friends or family who are pregnant because it hurts, so they distance themselves. I know that hurt.

It's been over a year and a half since we lost our precious baby. It doesn't seem like it's been that long.

My sister in law and I were pregnant at the same time again and it was always fun to talk about what was going on with us and our babies. 

She was a little farther ahead than I was and when she found out that they were having a girl, we were all overjoyed! I love party planning, so I told her that I would like to throw her a shower. 

In the midst of planning a celebration, it happened. I miscarried. I couldn't believe it was happening to ME! I was one of those women. How could this be happening to me!?

After we found out, everywhere I turned in my house, I saw baby things.. things for the shower. I remember just sitting and crying, wondering what I had done to deserve this. Why it had to be me.

Both my sister in law and my husband told me to forget about the shower. My sister in law had begged me to just forget it. She knew the pain too. She had miscarried a few years earlier.

I thought about canceling the shower for about a day. I spent a lot of time that week talking to the Lord. I had prayed about what should I do and asked that he help me figure it out. 

He did.

I decided to go on with the shower. Not because I wasn't hurting but because I was happy for her. Because this baby deserved to be celebrated. I didn't want my heartache to overcome her joy. I'm not saying it was easy, it wasn't. I cried on the way to the shower, setting up and on the way home but I tried my best to put on a happy face for the shower and for her. 

 

My sweet sister in law glowing!

 

The quilt I had made just for our niece.

After the shower, my husband asked if I was ok and asked if I was glad I had done it. I was. It was a blessing to be able to celebrate this precious baby that was joining our family. I wouldn't change my decision even if I could.

My sister in law is my best friend and I knew she was happy. I wanted to share in her happiness. I was hurting, more than I could describe, but I didn't want her to feel guilt for being blessed with a new baby. 

A baby!! If that isn't a reason to be happy, I don't know what is!

A few months had passed, we hadn't been able to get pregnant again and our sweet niece blessed our family. Seeing that sweet, beautiful face the day she was born was a blessing! I cried holding her. I cried for myself because I thought about my baby and I cried tears of joy for my sister in law.

Five months after our niece was born, we found out we were expecting again. It was joyful and terrifying at the same time. Three months ago, we had our rainbow baby. A sweet baby boy that I'm holding as I write this. He has been such a blessing! I don't know why things happen but I know the Lord has a purpose for them, even when we don't understand.

Had I avoided her and anyone else I knew that was pregnant. I feel like I would have missed out on a joyful time in their lives. As family, we are always there for each other, good and bad. Losing a baby was one of the hardest things and she was there for me. Her expecting their sweet girl was important to her and I hope she can say that I was there for her.

 My angel baby wasn't forgotten about and neither was her precious girl.

To My Children's Sunday School Teachers

Teacher appreciation just passed and being a homeschool mom, it was nice to feel appreciated by my "students". I saw all of these amazing gifts that my friends' children made their teachers. 

Some of my super crafty friends amaze me by the way!!

I didn't think much more of it until today, at church. I was sitting in my 2 youngest daughters' Sunday school classes to help their teacher if she needs it because it can get nuts in there sometimes. Today while sitting there I saw this wonderful teacher reading a bible story to her class, even in the midst of a little chaos. She kept going, telling them about Jesus, even if they wanted to just play.

After church my husband always asks our kids what they learned in Sunday school that day. My oldest starts telling him all about what they had talked about. She talks about the love she has for her teachers, how great they are and how if someone needs help, her teachers will help them. 

I wondered if Sunday school teachers knew how appreciated they are? Do they know what a difference they make in each child's life that is in their class? Do they know what a light they are being to their little ones? Teaching the thing most important, Jesus, his love and what he done for us! Do they know what an absolute blessing they are to not only my children, but to me?

To my children's Sunday school teachers, you are a blessing! I see the love you have for Jesus! I see the love you have for all the children and they are benefiting from it! 

I know that sometimes, when you are teaching to a rough and rowdy crowd, it seems like not a word you are saying is soaking in. But I am here to tell you that it is! The things you say to them, the care you show and the word you are trying to teach them is not only soaking in but it is streaming to their hearts! They look up to you just as every bit as they look up to my husband and I. 

I'm grateful for your dedication, kindness and love you show my children! I know that the great kids I get to say are mine are not only great because of us as parents, but you had a helping hand in it! I believe you pray for them and want to see their love for Christ grow as much as we do! 

You are special to my kids! You are special to me! I know you have days you doubt how well you are doing. Well, you are doing GREAT and I appreciate your dedication!

We love and appreciate you Mrs. Lynn, Mrs. Shannon and Mrs. Lwanna! You are a blessing to us!